Categories
Blog

Managing Stress

78

Everybody gets stressed out. It occasionally helps you concentrate and finish the task at hand. However, regular and severe stress can wear down your body and impair its ability to perform. Living effectively requires figuring out how to cope. Take these actions to help you cope with stress.

  • Try to follow a daily routine. Avoid disorganization.
  • Get adequate sleep.
  • Physical exercise everyday can help you to reduce stress. However do not overdo the exercise- otherwise this itself can get stressful!
  • Learn a meditation technique and use it. A 10 minute meditation everyday can help you cope better with the tensions that life brings you.
  • Watch the way you breathe. Deep breathing helps to relax us.
  • Try to avoid worrying. Instead schedule a “worry time” of 10 minutes everyday, if necessary, in which you can worry.
  • Manage time so that you can avoid rushing
  • Be realistic about the goals that you would like to achieve in your life. Being overambitious can lead to stress.
  • Do not let petty problems get the better of you. Decide whether a problem is worth getting stressed about.
  • Spend time with people whose company you enjoy.
  • Develop a sense of humor.
  • Take time to partake in activities that you like-listening to music, painting, going on a hike etc.

The important thing to remember is that life has its ups and downs. A lot depends on the way you perceive a situation. If you feel that certain situations and circumstances are overpowering, use your resources, skills, intelligence to ride over the wave of problems. When life is good, enjoy yourself!

Dr Vinaya Prabha V Baligar
Categories
Blog

Coping with Stress

47

Stress is the physical and mental tension you feel when you are faced with  the demands and pressures that come from school, work, family. It could also arise from unrealistic rules and  expectations that you impose on yourself, from your obligations and from excessive self-criticism.

The Stress reaction tells you that you are under pressure. When under stress the heart beats faster, muscles get tense; you sweat, your mouth may go dry.

Signs of Stress

  • You might have a change in appetite or develop a headache.
  • You may feel anxious or you may lose your temper at the slightest provocation.
  • You may feel listless and lose interest in your work.
  • You may feel tearful, nervous or scared beyond reason
  • You may be unable to make decisions or to concentrate on classes or other activities
  • You may experience high levels of irritability, including unruly, aggressive, violent behavior
  • You may sleep excessively
  • You may procrastinate

Stress cannot be eliminated but you can learn how to handle it effectively.

Dr Vinaya Prabha V Baligar
Categories
Blog

Pathological Lying

70

 Is pathological lying a psychological problem?

Lying is not alien to human nature. But what distinguishes a deliberate liar from a pathological or compulsive liar is that deliberate liars know when they are lying but not pathological liars who are not always conscious of doing so.

Pathological lying as the name implies is definitely a psychological problem. It is a disorder wherein the person is unable to control his/her  irresistible impulse to lie. The pathological liar lies constantly, regardless of the situation and whether or not it is advantageous to lie! It is a habit with them and lying is often addictive.

Moreover, to make matters worse, pathological liars are usually unable to make a connection between their lying and the consequences of their lying on people around them.

What leads to it/ how is it diagnosed?

The causes are not very clear.

 However dysfunctional family patterns, family lying patterns, fear of rejection, fear of disapproval by significant people in one’s life, a sense of inadequacy, very low self esteem, a desire to measure up to a person or persons who are better/ more important/ more privileged  than oneself,  lying as a defense mechanism to protect oneself from shame/blame/ abandonment, lying to save face, lying to gain attention could be some of the causes of pathological lying.

Pathological lying could be a symptom of underlying disorders like personality disorders, multiple personality disorders.

Can it be treated?

Treatment can be long and difficult primarily because the person denies anything being wrong with him/her. They do not feel the need for help. Consequently the motivation to change is also minimal.

In treatment, attempts to make the patients conscious of their  falsehoods could cause them much distress as often the lies are defense mechanisms used to protect their self image. So there is a higher chance of their discontinuing therapy.

What is the line of treatment followed?

Brief, non-technical information would suffice.

 Line of treatment could include therapy, medication or both.

Through therapy they could be:

  • made to face their fears in the relatively safe environment of therapy
  • given techniques and assisted to increase their self esteem
  • be helped to deal with their distorted thinking patterns and by replacing their faulty beliefs  with  realistic beliefs.

How should the family deal with such behaviour?

  • The family would be required to deal with such behaviour with understanding and sensitivity. -Role modelling of honest  behaviour by the family members would be required.
  • The family member who lies should consistently “not be rewarded” ( in psychological and actual terms)for his/her behaviour instead the person should be consistently rewarded for NOT lying.
  • Arbitrary and inconsistent punishment of the person who lies would result in the person trying to avoid punishment through lying to avoid the punishment or blame.
  • Superficial conformity should not be encouraged or rewarded.
  • Warm and close relationships should be developed between the family members.
  • There should be open, honest and emotionally expressive communication between them.
Categories
Blog

Personal Coaching

53

In these days of rapid changes in the business environment, individuals need to continuously upgrade their personal and work related skills. They also require skills to effectively face the changing environment. Therefore personal coaching is becoming a welcome trend in organizations. Coaching is for individuals who are seeking to enhance their performance and perhaps reaching excellence in a given area of their personal or professional life.

According to the International Coaching Federation (ICF), coaching can be defined as “an ongoing partnership that helps clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Through the process of coaching, clients deepen their learning, improve their performance, and enhance their quality of life.”

Personal coaching focuses on an individual’s personal and professional goals and progress. It is future oriented and focuses on the resolution of problems and the achievement of results based on goals set by the individual. The assumption in coaching is that individuals are capable of generating their own solutions provided that they are given the required support, skills, knowledge. Coaches are persons with a set of skills they use to support people to achieve goals. The coach listens, provides observations and gives concepts and principles which can help in generating increased options and in identifying actions that could be taken by the individual. The emphasis in a coaching relationship is on action, accountability and follow through.

Some of the instances where coaching can be useful include:

  • When there is a goal that the individual wants to achieve but does not possess certain skills, knowledge or resources required to reach it. These can be provided by the coach.
  • An individual has a lot of potential but is unable to maximally use it because of lack of awareness, motivation or lack of certain skills
  • An individual lacks people skills
  • The individual requires support and motivation to achieve work or personal goals
  • There is a lack of clarity about work related or personal issues
  • There is an imbalance in work and home life
  • The individual is unable to identify his or her core strengths and how best to leverage them
  • There is a lack of self confidence and self worth

Coaching helps people focus on what matters most in their business and personal lives. It puts them in charge of their own lives.

The coaching process

 Coaching begins with a personal interview- face-to-face or through a tele-conference. In this interview, the individual’s current opportunities and challenges, personal strengths and areas of growth are assessed. Further, the scope of the relationship and specific desired outcomes are delineated, priorities for action are established. Subsequent mentoring sessions may be conducted in person or over the telephone. The mentoring session normally lasts for an hour but can vary depending on the individual’s needs. Sessions are held at  mutually convenient and agreed upon time periods.  Sessions could be held once or twice a month. Between scheduled coaching sessions, the individual may be asked to complete specific actions that support the achievement of one’s personally prioritized goals. The coach may provide additional resources in the form of relevant articles, assessments, or models, to support the individual’s thinking and actions.

The length of a mentoring partnership could vary between 3 months to a year. Factors that could affect the length of time include: the types of goals, the ways individuals or teams like to work, the frequency of coaching meetings, and financial resources available to support mentoring.

Categories
Blog

Managing Anger

57

Anyone can become angry- that is easy.

But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way- this is not easy.

Aristotle

Anil and Aniruddh came out of the business meeting, very angry. Their boss had been very critical of their work and had not even a word of praise for them. Anil followed the boss into his cabin, started shouting at him, and told him what he thought of him. He threw in his resignation  letter and walked out, still in anger.

Aniruddh, instead, waited till his boss was in a relaxed mood, and then, sought an appointment. He told his boss how terribly pained he was by his criticism and asked for clarification on how to improve his work. Aniruddh came out of his boss’ cabin, satisfied and with a better understanding of what his boss expected of him at work.

Anger is a normal reaction to any situation or person that we perceive as frustrating or threatening to our  wellbeing. However, when anger gets out of control, it can destroy our relationships and the quality of our life. Can we manage anger so that the immense energy produced by it can be useful to us? Yes, if we follow Aristotle’s diktat. Here are some tips to help you practise it:

Tips for anger management:

  • Note the triggers: the people, events, circumstances that set off your anger.
  • When you’re angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated. Logic defeats anger.  Replace thoughts which reinforce your anger with more rational ones. Eg. instead of thinking, “oh, this situation is  terrible,” tell yourself, “it’s frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world.”
  •  Avoid discussing important issues with your colleagues or spouse when you are tired or distracted.
  • Be careful with words like “always”, “never” when referring to your or others’ behavior. Statements like “ My boss never appreciates me ”, “ I always  mess up” are usually not correct.
  • What are your expectations of others – do you demand fairness, appreciation, agreement with your ways of doing things? Translate these demands into desires: “ I would  like it if……..” rather than demanding it.
  • Communicate your expectations to others. Find out other’s expectations of you. Decide which of these you would like to satisfy.
  •  Do not jump to conclusions. Consciously slow down, think carefully before you act or say anything. To get a balanced perspective, remind yourself that you are experiencing a rough spot in your life and  others are not trying to “get at you.”
  • Ask yourself “By expressing my anger now or in a particular way, will it achieve the result I seek?”
  • Maintain your cool through deep breathing, using a relaxation response, visualizing a positive situation.
  • Sometimes we cannot change, get rid of or avoid people or events that anger us. At such times focus on how  to face the problem rather than getting frustrated by it.
  • If you feel your anger is affecting your relationships and important aspects of your life, consider consulting a psychologist for help.

You can decide whether you react in anger or with calm to difficult situations or people. Anger is a CHOICE YOU make.

Dr Vinaya Prabha V. Baligar
Categories
Testimonials

James Smith

3
James Smith

I was a completely distraught person, confused and disoriented at the happenings in my life…Today I am doing well not only in my job, but also in my relationships with near and dear ones after consulting Dr Vinaya Prabha.

I was under pressure to perform in the office and there was even more pressure at home. There were pressures from all directions at all times of the day – unrelenting and threatening to break me into pieces.

I was struggling to cope with these pressures. I was not sure of myself, and was almost a withdrawn person. I was badly in need of some help. When i was looking for the help on the web, i found Dr.Vinaya Prabha’s website which said that help is available in the form of counseling – face to face or on-line or through e-mail. I was not sure what awaited me when i first called her. I decided to try and it was only the first session that i went reluctantly. I found her to be a genuine person, a highly qualified psychologist, and an experienced professional councellor. After the first session, i used to eagerly look forward for the counseling sessions.

She was very professional in helping me to open up and discuss what was happening in my mind, and how i chose to react to situations. She helped me understand myself better. I realised that i was in the centre of all that has happened in my life. It took about six months for me to feel that a new person has emerged out of me – much more confident in facing the world with much less internal drag of negative emotions.

Surely, it has made significant positive effects on my work performance. Today i am doing well not only in my job, but also in my relationships with near and dear ones. At the end of it, i feel, it was a worth going through the counseling to become a new ME. I can now face the world better. Thanks, Doctor. ………

Categories
Testimonials

Preethi

7
Preethi

I would like to thank Dr Vinaya Prabha for…. showing me various ways of generating enough amount of energy for myself in order to face the world and future with open arms. With her I understood what is true meaning of passion ,motivation ,and how important it is to befriend yourself first.

Talking to her was like learning to look at things(issues) with another dimension where many possibilities exist…. well things don’t end here…if I’m to write i may write this stuff forever…”

These past few months that I have visited you, a great many things have begun to make sense to me- my family, my experiences so far and perhaps more importantly, ME. I think now, finally, after all these years, I have begun to gather the courage to take a deeper, harder look at things and trust my own thoughts and instincts to understand them.

I realize I still have a long way to go and life seems to keep throwing up one challenge after another- but thanks to you, I now feel grateful for the challenges and quite optimistic about the future. .. I have discovered that I can be MYSELF…and still be accepted and even liked! I am comfortable with myself and now feel quite worthy as a person. I hope you realize that you have had a HUGE role to play in shaping the way I feel today…

Categories
Testimonials

Paul Mitchel

18
Paul Mitchel

I will always be very grateful to her ( Dr Vinaya) for teaching me to get in touch with myself and be happy through Counseling.

I had tried a million diets and was not able to lose my weight. As a last resort I tried counseling. Initially I thought it was an expensive proposition but I convinced myself that I was worth it. I spent many sessions wondering why she was addressing everything except my weight. I went for one session a week and did the exercises which Vinaya told me to. 


Initially nothing happened. But slowly I started to feel alive. I realized that I was living a life that was not my story. It belonged to the dos and don’ts of the world. I started re- discovering myself through counseling.
In the process I was able to sustain my exercise as well as choose to eat healthy food. I never felt that I was sacrificing anything. As I felt alive my need for food decreased. I was able to make clearer decisions, because they came from my soul and not from the programming of my mind. Even today I am able to take better decisions because I have learned that what is best for me makes me feel happy. I learned to throw false burdens which I chose to carry, when I realized that the world has its own axis and I need not support it !
I check my happiness indicator to check for good decisions. Over the period of counseling for a year and a half my pay check doubled, I bought a car, I had more friends, I learned to live independently, and I lost 30 kilos.

My friends who had not seen me in a year said that I had changed for the better. They said that there was a confidence that I had an air of being happy and free.


I think that all of us must have this experience. It is one of the most thrilling adventures of one’s life to discover oneself and be able to have the freedom to choose to be happy.

I am not sure of whether Vinaya knows what she has done for me! Beauty can never appreciate itself. But I will always be very grateful to her for teaching me to get in touch with myself and be happy because when you just are, there is no other way to be. Thanks Vinaya. 

Recent Posts